Loving ourselves unconditionally is the way to go!

In our society the prevailing thought is that loving ourselves unconditionally is wrong, because it resonates with being self centred and self absorbed. The truth is that in order to love others unconditionally we must firstly love ourselves unconditionally.

When we love ourselves unconditionally we have to accept everything about ourselves, both the good and the bad traits. We hide the traits we hope nobody knows about us, sometimes even from ourselves. But why is it so important to embrace the whole of us? The answer is quite straight forward. If we are able to accept everything about ourselves, it brings us peace of mind. We are in balance within ourselves. It is this balanced energy which is picked up on by those around us, and this helps the ones we love to feel good about themselves too.

When we are born we possess all the traits that exist. However we are then shaped during our early years because we are told by everyone around us, either deliberately or subliminally, how we should behave and what we must do or not do. This is where the imbalance begins. Also, this shaping by those guiding us, can be interpreted by us, that in order to be loved we must ‘be a certain way’. If we interpret this as unconditional love towards us, then it is unlikely we are able to know unconditional love towards ourselves. The question is how do we love the parts of ourselves that we have been told, as we grew up, we mustn’t be like? How do we even remember what these traits are, when they are buried deep in our subconscious?

The first question can be answered by changing our subconscious beliefs and perspective on these traits. The new perspective is based on us appreciating that any trait deemed ‘wrong’ about us, has in some shape, form or context something good about it. By seeing a trait as something to love rather than fear we are preventing it from festering within us. Any trait given the right circumstances /context can be a good thing for us. By acknowledging this we bring it into balance and are able to use it wisely.

To answer the second question there is a relatively easy way to know what the disowned traits are. If there is a characteristic that repels us in someone else, you can be sure it will be a part of your personality you conveniently buried. The other person repels us because we do not want to see this part of them in ourselves. If we didn’t have a problem with it, we would not be in a position to even recognize it. Whatever that trait is, it needs to be not only owned by you, but also recognized for what it can positively offer you. Psych-K helps us change these subconscious beliefs quickly. Once this is done don’t be surprised to find that tolerance of the other person comes more easily!

As humans we have developed an ego. This ego wants to protect us from the traits we have pushed away. The stronger we deny them, the stronger the ego becomes. The problem is the traits do not go away. For example, someone showing extreme self absorption and being totally in love with themselves, should not to be mistaken for someone who loves themselves unconditionally. Because in this case their ego, is fiercely protecting them against any part of themselves that may be seen as unlovable. It is constantly fighting the fear of these unlovable characteristics being discovered, and over compensates with self absorption.

The energy required by our psyche to keep unwanted traits buried is huge even though we are not necessarily conscious of it. And the more we bury the traits the more pressure builds up. The traits we fear carry a much lower frequency then those we show love. (Love is the highest frequency which is why it makes us feel lighter and happier!) As there is no balance here, there is no harmony or peace of mind. The outlet for this building pressure, can come for instance with drugs, alcohol, gambling etc. They give a temporary escapism from our ego needing to be in control. When we are in balance, there is no pressure build up, so there is nothing to escape from. Why would you need to escape from loving yourself unconditionally when you are accepting that every trait you possess is ok?

It is worth also looking at people who cant find anything to love about themselves. They seem stuck in their ‘negative’ traits. Here the imbalance is just the other way round. Positive traits have been forgotten or maybe they were brought up to believe they never even existed. It is easy to see why someone would then think of themselves as unworthy of, or even recognize, their positive characteristics. It can be just as difficult to embrace buried positive traits as indeed so called negative ones. Again the ego is protecting itself. It sees any change as something to fear. Again there is a pressure build up from imbalance, and a release is required.

By shifting our perspective and subconscious beliefs in this area, our ego relaxes and we can accept ourselves without fear. I hope this has helped to show that if we are not balanced, we should focus on fixing ourselves, before fixing others. We are of the most benefit to those we truly love, by letting them know we are ok with every part of ourselves, and that they can be too!

Emma Middleweek